i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have already put on my inside pants.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
