just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I AM VODKA MAN
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
