Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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