dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Someone signed my nipple.
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