Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
