So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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