I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
