I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize