remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize