She is in my trunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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