Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
