better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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