so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
