I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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