people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
