So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
