Umm I'm too high to move.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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