yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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