So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
