Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
