Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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