Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
