I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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