Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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