i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
pray to the hookup gods
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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