I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Randomize
