We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
