that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize