I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
please don't ironically join a cult
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