Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
