it's like iHOP with fire
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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