I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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