Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
