All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
