One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
