walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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