after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
