I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
