So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the condom got lost in my hair
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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