Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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