If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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