someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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