this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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