Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
PANTIES FOUND
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