You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
