I hate your face
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize