That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
