you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
