Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
