i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
