Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
