McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
