I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
