4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
