I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
