You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
