How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
