Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
be right there i have to get my cape
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
