thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
