scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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