were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
