So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize