Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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